Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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