Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
