I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
