Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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