New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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