Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
