I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
