you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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