I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
