either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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