so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
