and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
