i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
