Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
