the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My ass is underappreciated
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
