During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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