i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
