ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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