Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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