I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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