There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
her vagine was all disorganized.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
