I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
