is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
