But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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