you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
