my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
