she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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