I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize