Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
