This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
