How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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