I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
