apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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