i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
