Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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