I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
