I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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