Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
