This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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