I wish my penis had an off switch
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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