Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
