i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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