Are we in a gay sports bar?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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