Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I supernannyed him into submission
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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