to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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