Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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