Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize