Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
