I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He shit in the fireplace
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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