can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
