"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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