You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
