My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
