apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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