Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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