porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
