the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
