is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
