Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
