whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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