im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
