wat bout pragnant strippers??
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
