Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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