That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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