Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
