Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
50% drunk capacity currently
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
