I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
