I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
