she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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