yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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